Let's start off with the basics. I have sic-pack abs, biceps the size of Zeus' thighs, thighs the size of delicate twigs, and posture that can only be compared to Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. My masculine appearance often scares off potential candidates but on the inside I'm like a delicate Toucan trapped in a shimmering gold cage.
In my spare time, I like tactfully constructing loincloths from various wild flowers and tree branches, crawling around like Rambo through plastic houseplants, and attempting to stuff the computer speakers up my nostrils. On the weekends, I enjoy participating in miscellaneous tribal warfare, mentoring racially confused/ questioning baby monkeys, and monitoring the development of thermoregualtion in poultry embryos. During the early hours of the morning when I'm in need of a good laugh, I amuse myself by omitting various keywords from classic literature and replacing them with the phrase "baby llama". Hey, simple minds, simple pleasures.
I spend 25% of my time awake but wishing I were asleep and another 25% half-awake and incapable of forming lucid thoughts. The other 50% of my day is spent missing buses, running to catch buses, and calling people begging for a ride because I missed my bus.
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